To Catch A Thief

When I first started this blog, just two months ago, Gramps’ crazy antics were pretty much few and far between.  Oh, yes, every day with him is an adventure, but the really good, blog-worthy stuff, was pretty intermittent, and as you may remember, I even had to reach into the archives a couple times to keep my posts frequent.

That is starting to change. 

Today’s post comes with help from my mom: the “victim” of the purported crime. 

Evidently, my mom’s credit cards had started to go missing.  She realized one was missing, and promptly cancelled it and ordered a new one. 

Today, as she packed Gramps’ toiletry bag for a trip, she claimed “it was like hitting the lottery!” 

She not only found the one she knew was missing, but also one that she hadn’t realized had gone astray and several Starbucks’ gift certificates.  The funny part is that he would have actually had to GO in her purse and wallet to take the credit cards…a true pickpocket, Gramps is!

One could only surmise that Gramps’ had finally had enough of my mother’s constant “nagging” about him not driving, ordering him to take his pills, and being in cahoots with the doctor (all his usual complaints) and was planning his great escape…sponsored by Starbucks. 

Alzheimer’s Fact: As Alzheimer’s disease affects each area of the brain, certain functions or abilities can be lost. It is important for caregivers to remember that changes in a person’s behavior and ability to communicate may be related to the disease process.

 

 

 

 

And Things That Should Stay Lost Reappear

You’ve read about Gramps losing things and throwing things away that shouldn’t be…well, here is a story about things that should be lost/thrown away, that have a habit of reappearing.

As you all know, Gramps and I work together in an office. Of course, we use pens, and these pens, as all do, eventually run out of ink.

Gramps will save these inkless pens, and inevitably, when I reach for a pen, without fail, I reach for one of the inkless ones he has stashed away. As soon as I realize the pen is out of ink, I throw it in the garbage.

Repeat pen-getting process: I reach for pen, pen is out of ink, I throw it away.
Repeat again.

After I do this a couple times in ONE day, I wonder if all pens decided to go inkless on the same day. But then I look in the garbage can and realize that the “five” inkless pens that I have thrown away that day aren’t there.

Finally it dawns on me: I have been picking up the same exact inkless pen all day. And just as soon as I throw it in the garbage, Gramps takes it out and puts it back on my desk.

We have all seen those lists on “How to Annoy Your Office Mates“. Well, it seems Gramps has thought of one of his own.

Alzheimer Fact: There is currently no single test used to diagnose Alzheimer’s disease. In most cases your doctor will first rule out other diseases that can impact memory by laboratory tests and a physical exam. Neuropsychological tests are used to determine if there is any cognitive impairment.

You Must Be Suffering from a Sunburn

As anyone caring for an Alzheimer’s patient knows, language is one of the first and most obviously, noticeable afflictions of Alzheimer’s. 

Gramps is no different. 

While he is getting slower at putting together thoughts and sentences, he has always been able to grasp the correct words in order to form a sentence.  He then went through a phase where, if he couldn’t remember a word, he could at least describe the word or talk around it, much the same as a non-native speaker, would  should they not have sufficient vocabulary for a particular word. 

However, these days his speech is getting a little slower, and sometimes, out of frustration I think, he will insert a word that isn’t quite the correct word just to get his sentence out. 

Gramps’ gets very concerned whenever I show the slightest symptom of any illness.  So this morning when I picked him up, he noticed I wasn’t coughing as much as I was last week due to a recent cold.  He said “Are you feeling better?  You don’t seem to be coughing so much.  You were really coughing when you were suffering from that…from that…uh…sunburn.” 

I obviously knew he was referring to my “cold,” but for a brief moment, as I reluctantly started the work week on a chilly spring morning, I thought “How great would it be to be in Gramps’ world, where I was inflicted with a sunburn?” which would have at least indicated I was outdoors enjoying the sun over the weekend, instead of bundled up enduring the San Francisco spring. 

Alzheimer’s Fact: Alzheimer’s disease has a profound effect on language. The disease affects speech and the use of words, as well as the understanding of words. As the disease progresses, language as a means of communicating becomes less effective. Caregivers need to use different ways of communicating their message and staying in touch.

Don’t Do Me a Favor

Every since I can remember, Gramps has taken great pride in his cars.  Every Saturday, he could be found in his Ben Davis coveralls washing and waxing his prized possessions, which included a sampling of every luxury car imaginable.

Gramps can no longer drive, but he still loves to wash his car…and my mom’s…and mine.  This sounds like a very nice gesture, until you find out exactly what chemicals he intends to wash the cars with.

One day, Gramps washed his car, and my mom came home and found the previously shiny black paint, completely covered in smears and smudges.  When she asked Gramps what he used to clean the car, he produced a bottle of Armor All. 

My mom quickly raced the car to a professional car wash, so they could properly clean the car before the Armor All did any permanent damage.  This was to the tune of about $100, when all was said and done.

Not a month later, my mom calls me frantically, saying that Gramps insists on washing the car again.  Brilliantly, or so I thought, I instructed her to lay out all the materials he would need to wash the car, going so far as to telling her to fill a bucket with water and car washing soap and instructing Gramps that is what what he was to use to wash the car.

My mom does as I instructed, and then leaves, thinking our plan is fool proof.

However, she comes home some time later to find Gramps washing the car with cement cleaner.  Again, she races to the professional car wash, where they remember her, and by this time are probably wondering why this lady can’t figure out how to wash a car properly, or just leave it to the pros.

To the untrained eye, Gramps’ offers to wash our cars should be met with exclamations of “thank you” or “how sweet!”  However, there is nothing that puts more fear or dread in us.   The beneficial part of this is that my mom and I are now very diligent about not letting one speck of dirt sit on our car for more than a couple of days, lest we should hear that horror of all horrors, those five little words: “Let me wash your car.”

Alzheimer’s Fact: In addition to the abnormal plaques, which develop in the spaces between nerve cells and limit the communication between cells, another protein which normally channels chemical messages inside nerve cells, deforms and collapses into neurofibrillary tangles that appear like twisted bits of thread inside nerve cells, which leads to a loss of nerve cells.

One Persons Fairy Tale is Another’s Reality

As I said yesterday, Gramps likes going to movies.  However, we are learning that any particular movie can’t have a plot line that is too complicated, too violent, or containing too many four-letter words, in order to earn Gramps’ two thumbs up.

My sister, my mom and I took Gramps to see Freedom Writers, a true story starring Hilary Swank as Erin Gruwell, a teacher who inspires inner city kids by encouraging them to write their stories.  

We should have known that we were in for it when during the previews, Gramps kept asking “Is this the movie?” 

“No,” I would say. 

During the next preview, Gramps would say “Is this the movie?”

“No,” I would reply. 

This continued on, as any movie-goer knows, through WAAAY too many previews for me to count.

When the movie finally started, my sister leaned over and whispered to Gramps “This is the movie.”

“Oh” he said.  But about 30 minutes into the movie, he leaned over to me and asked “Is this the movie?” 

After the movie, we were recapping and giving one another our review.  “Did you like it, Gramps?” I asked. 

“No,” he said.  “That movie was horrible.  That couldn’t possibly happen.  It was completely made up.  People don’t dress like that.” And on and on he went.

However, ironically enough, we did not get this same “It’ can’t be true” reaction after taking him a couple months later to see Enchanted, an animated fairy tale that meets modern life, after a beautiful princess is banished from her magical kingdom by an evil queen, and finds herself in the streets of modern-day Manhattan.  In the Alzheimer’s-affected mind, that is perfectly feasible. 

Alzheimer’s Fact: Early Signs of Alzheimer’s – Problems with abstract thinking. It is normal to make a mistake balancing a checkbook, but people with Alzheimer’s disease may forget the meaning of numbers or what to do with them.

What A Location for a Car Show!

This post comes with help from my dear sister who recounted the story to me last night.

A couple weeks ago, Gramps, my mom and my sister went on an outing to the movie theater.  These outings are frequent, as it is one of the best ways we have found to entertain Gramps.

The movie went without event (which is quite a feat these days, and you shall see future posts about movie outings that didn’t go as smoothly).  However, when they were walking back through the parking lot looking for their car, Gramps exclaimed, “My, look at all these cars.  They must be having a CAR SHOW or something!” 

Just a Gigolo

It’s no secret to anyone who has spent more than five minutes with Gramps, that he can be quite the charmer.  The ladies’ man, if you will.  

A couple years ago, when I felt Gramps was getting a little cocky about his way with women, I explained to him that women live longer than men, so when ladies get around his age, they have slim pickings.  So, I reasoned, he was a ladies’ man by default.  

However, even I have to admit, he is quite the charmer.  When I pick him up for work in the morning, I usually greet him with a “Hi Boss!” To which he responds, “How is my reason for living?”  If only I could find a guy who wasn’t already collecting Social Security that felt that way about me!  

Gramps has a simple explanation for his charms.  Once, as I pointed out he had eaten a lot of candy that day, he responded, ”That’s why I’m so sweet!” 

Apparently there are some octogenarian women who have been seduced by his sweetness.  

One Christmas, I found myself in the kitchen with Gramps, and (as all good grandparents do) he was offering me some sweets.  

“Alvina made this pie….Maria made this cake…” and so it went on as he described each detectable, not by flavor, but by which woman had made them.  After he went through the assortment of sweets and looking rather proud of his stash, I said “Gramps, get a couple more girlfriends and we can start a bakery!”  

Around this time, my family came up with Gramps’ theme song “Just a Gigolo” by Louis Prima. 

Gramps was in the hospital the day I was planning on breaking the news of my engagement to my family.  We ended up smuggling some champagne into the emergency room to share the good news.  Realizing Gramps’ frailty, I quickly planned a wedding so that he could be there.  

On the day of the wedding, Gramps looked so dapper in his pinstriped suit.  Though I was worried he might not understand what was going on or would be exhausted by the celebration, he seemed in good spirits, and, as always, was amazing all the guests with his energy. 

I had asked the D.J. to play Gramps’ song, Just a Gigolo.  And when it came on no one was on the dance floor.  I ran to Gramps, grabbed his hand, and led him to the dance floor.  No one would have believed that just six months before, he was walking with a cane and a walker.  He was so light on his feet swinging me around like a ragdoll.  

I’m sorry to say, my marriage lasted about as long as my dance with Gramps, but it was well worth it just to see Gramps cutting a rug on the dance floor. 

Alzheimer’s Fact: In order to improve quality of life at each stage of the disease it is important to focus on the patients strengths and abilities. It is important to look at what the patient can do, instead of what they cannot do. Planning activities is a process of trial and error involving continual exploration, experimentation and adjustment.

Time Flies When You’re Having Fun (or Not!)

Like most Alzheimer’s patients, Gramps’ sense of time has suffered in the past couple years. 

He wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to get dressed for work.  I usually pick him up from work at 9 a.m. and he will call me at 7 a.m. wondering where I am.   He wants to go to bed at 5 p.m., which means he wakes up at 1 a.m. rearing to go!

For my mom, this has been a constant battle.  She is his primary caretaker, and is up at all hours of the night explaining to him that it’s the middle of the night, so he should “go back to bed.” 

When this first started happening, I thought he couldn’t figure out how to read his analog clock, so for Christmas I bought him a digital one.  What is more, I bought him a digital one that displayed the time on the ceiling.  I explained to him that he didn’t even have to get up to look at the clock, he could just glance at the ceiling. 

He used this for about two days before he decided it was keeping him awake (which admittedly, it keeps me up as well). 

So we were back to him getting up every couple hours. 

The other night at dinner, my mom was explaining to one of her friends, that Gramps gets up every couple hours and thinks it is time for work. 

Gramps overheard her, so when he expressed interest in the conversation, she said, “You need to look at the clock. When it is 6 a.m. you can get up and get ready for work.” 

His explanation for his incessant middle of the night awakenings…”Oh, look at the clock?  That damn clock doesn’t work.  It says 2, 3, 4…it never says the right time!” 

Alzheimer’s Fact: Early Sign of Alzheimer’s – Disorientation to time and place. It is normal to sometimes lose track of time or to become lost, but a person with Alzheimer’s can forget what year it is and can become lost on familiar streets and not be able to find their way home.

More Objects in Missing Item Heaven

In light of this week’s theme of all things missing, here is another item that we may find in that missing item repository.  This comes from the November, 2007 archives.  

Gramps went to the dentist yesterday.  After fixating on the fact that he might miss the appointment for the past three weeks, his anticipation only got worse the closer the time got to his appointment.  His appointment was at 2 p.m. and every hour he kept asking “do I go now?”  So finally at 1 p.m.  I told him, “You go to the dentist in an hour.”  At 1:15 he said, “Well, I think it has been an hour.  I should go now.”  Pulling in the reigns for the next 45 minutes was quite a feat, and it was all I could do to keep from doing a little dance for the next hour I would have away from Gramps. 

This morning, the dentist’s office manager came in the office, and said “Here are Ed’s teeth” and hands me a plastic baggie with a set of teeth with “Ed” written on it.

Gramps regularly takes out his teeth to show me (this super human trick has gotten all the more frequent the past couple months), but I haven’t yet been able to get over the disgusting-ness of them.  So I immediately gave them to him, and told him to put them in.  They were his BOTTOM teeth and he kept trying to put them in the top.  I and the dentist’s office manager kept explaining to him that they were the BOTTOM teeth.  He couldn’t get them in though, claiming “they don’t fit.”  But this was because he was trying to put them on top of his tongue.  I showed him “Look, touch the top of your tongue to the roof of your mouth like this” (NOTE TO READER: visualize proper demonstration here).  He couldn’t do that and would just flip the dentures over and try to put them over the top teeth which were already in place.  We reiterated that they were his BOTTOM teeth.  He kept insisting that he had all his bottom teeth, in spite of the fact that his gums were GLARING at me when he would show me his “teeth.” I even tried to show him my full set of pearly whites to get him to understand that YES, in fact, he IS missing quite a significant amount of teeth, but to no avail.

I asked the office manager to take him back to the dentist’s office and have the dentist put them in.  But the dentist was busy, so she said she would come back later to get Gramps, when they were less busy.  So I turned around and started working again, and a couple minutes later Gramps started complaining “I don’t know what that lady was talking about.  I have all my teeth.”  So I went to pick up his teeth to see if I could get him to try to put them back in again.  And the teeth were GONE!  GONE!  I picked his pockets, looked in his desk, and I can’t find the teeth anywhere!!!  So if you find some teeth on Mission Street, please forward them to us.

This just confirms that I don’t want to live to see 93 for two reasons: 1) It scares me that I might go for a whole 18 hours (and two meals) without noticing I am missing teeth, 2) My relatives shouldn’t have to look at or go hunting for my removable body parts.

Alzheimer’s Fact: Early Signs of Alzheimer’s – Difficulty performing otherwise familiar tasks, such as preparing a meal, opening a car window or using a household appliance can be signs of Alzheimer’s disease.

A Little Mouse Took It

I believe there is a place in the universe where all missing things go. 

When you put two matching socks in the dryer, but only one comes out…it’s partner is in this magical place; when you put a pair of earrings in your jewelry box, but only one comes out…those single earrings are there, as are the missing backings; when you buy a complete set of eight spoons, but in a couple years, realize you only have four…your four missing spoons are there, too. 

Today I found the place where all missing items reside: Gramps’ desk.

Gramps is on vacation for two weeks.  When he goes out of town, I use this opportunity to browse through his desk because in the past I have found unpaid bills that he has tucked away, unanswered phone messages he has taken down for me, and myriad other things. 

A couple weeks ago, my mom informed me that she was missing the key to my house, which she keeps in a desk at home.  Of course, she was quick to blame Gramps.  I stuck up for him, but reluctantly searched his pockets.  I came up short. 

Today while doing my semi-annual browse through Gramps’ desk, I found a key ring with a very distinctive key.  My house was built in the 1930’s and still has the original locks.  I quickly retrieved my own set of keys from my purse and compared them with my find.  Sure enough they were a match! Eureka!

This gave me hope, as there are a number of other things which have gone missing from the office as of late, including a set of preprinted mailing labels that I use daily to send information to my clients.  However, with further searching, I came up empty handed. 

So I guess there are two places where all lost things reside: Gramps’ desk and another, yet undiscovered oasis.

Alzheimer’s Fact:  Early signs of Alzheimer’s: Misplacing things. It is normal to misplace things occasionally, but putting things in unusual places, like an iron in the refrigerator or a watch in the sugar bowl are warning signs of Alzheimer’s disease.